I'VE MOVED TO HERE AND THERE

As I said, "Something must be changed"

Everyday, I woke up empty. No goal, no motivation, nothing. I stare myself in the mirror, wondering what this young chap can do. I just don't feel complete, is this the best I can do? Seriously, I am irritated by myself and I am utterly bored of it. I am so scared.

How could I allow myself failing so badly? How could I put myself in this kind of situation when I know it's all avoidable?

I want something different today. This will be my last post here for no particular reason. When it's time, I will let you find me. But now, I am running away...

What God says on the 3rd?

My son, do not forget my teaching,

but keep my commands in your heart,

for they will prolong your life many years

and bring you prosperity.

Let love and faithfulness never leave you;

bind them around your neck,

write them on the tablet of your heart.

Then you will win favor and a good name

in the sight of God and man.

Trust the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your path straight.

Have no fear of suddden disaster

or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked,

for the Lord will be your confidence

and will keep your foot from being snared.

My God is real. Proverbs 3

Something of the day.

BANG!

#2 Sean Tze Jesudasan.

I started this thing months ago, it has been a long pause since then. The good vibes came as I was polishing my lenses. So I begin, writing not just a chain post, but a legend of Sean.

How long has it been? 3 good years down the road, its rather short, but grand in value. Apart from my will and effort to be who I am today, he is, and always will be my source of motivation, encouragement, and inspiration so to speak.

As I remember vividly when we first talk about music back then, all I know was the chinese pop stars that I have been listening for years and a few boy bands that you can't possibly miss like Backstreetboys or Westlife. I don't even know who the hell Coldplay and Switchfoot is as he was sharing vigorously that time. I find it so funny as I thought of this everytime. Nevertheless, he still share his piece of music with me in the days later. He wrote some songs during the days of Missing mercury, sometimes he will ask for my comment, as though I know what music is all about. But as far as I know, they are all good, and I am waiting for their revival.

He is somehow weird in his own way, he don't social as much as me. He prefer to be left alone most of the time. Its hard to spot him in crowd, and even as you see him now, he will disappear later anyway. He will be at the corner, buzzing his own business and talk to the people that he is comfortable with. Give him his books, his music, 2 jeans, 2 shoes, 5 shirts, some socks, a cushy bed and a credit card and he is set for life. He defines low profile, or maybe the other way round. Its just amusing. 3 years, Sean never change since the first day I met him.

I am into photography today because he did, I dive because he did, I write because he taught me how, he taught me how to choose a perfect suit, he taught me delayed gratification, I speak better now because he laugh at me mercilessly all the time when I made mistake, I gave up August Man and pick up GQ because he gave me hundreds of them and wanted me to be benefited. Over the years, I just can't deny that many things I do today more or less is because of the influences that he bring into my life. He is just like a elder brother to me, its just that I thought my brother would be bigger in terms of sizes.

Sean is always good in general knowledge, he speaks intelligently, his words are profound, despite the fact that I hate to agree with that. I used told him in a cranky manner that he must make a success and be rich so that I can depend my life on him in the future. But now his life has been reset to the unknown, so far away that he can't even see what's coming his way, I pray to God that angels will take care this buddy of me, be there with him as You are his source of wisdom, courage, and peace.

That day when he said "This is it!" while lifting his luggage bag as we were about to leave the house, I felt so sad and I know the person that I am looking at right now will be a friend for lifetime. I thank God for friendship. People here will be missing him, people like me. In fact, these 2 days I already felt something is missing, a hang out partner. But this is not the end as he said. For now, I just want to say a simple thank you to him, for consistantly being who he is, all his advises, and all the blessing that he has given to me.

Take care there mate, just book me a flight ticket and I will be there for you anytime, anyday!

Another day.

Tuesday, my longest day in a week. I feel emotionally discomfort today, nothing cheers me up. I need my coffee, my GQ magazine, my music, my money, and the face that I threw things on give me a smile and say "It's okay."

4 more days, Sean will be gone to the unknown. Time never seems more precious than this to his people.

I kept singing "rain rain go away, come again another day..."

Glass ball.

April is going to be a tough month for some people. We all need more time to make adjustment. Everything has a price to pay, but again cost and worth are two different things. What's your concern? Time is ticking, people are leaving, that's it.

How?

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

Sammie says...

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing:This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end with "fine!"

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

8. Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F--YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3, then follow by #5, #6, and finally #8.

Quarantine Day 8.

Miss Measles make me a caveman now. There is nothing much I can do in the cave for the past whole week. I read some books, self-help, fictions, love story, discovery mag, name it. I try to write, crap to the most of it, I actually wanted to write something more interesting and deep, but my vocabulary fail me. That really got me mad. And obviously Internet slave like me will make sure I stay online all the time, kind of make me feel connected to the world you know?

Thanks to Measles, my emotions got affected pretty badly. Loneliness is the best punishment for people like me. It's a different lifestyle I have to live with during this quarantine period that totally clash with my personality. Some kind of Circumstanced Interactive Disorder (CID), syndromes are insomnia, paranoid, anxious, and so on. I name that myself, sound pretty bad eh? Plus, I am having a hard time with "Zero V Contact Campaign", that really left me no space to breath.

You know when you are sick down the drain, your true friend shows. I see those who never turn away from me, and I see some people intimated me to stay away from them and gave me that kind of look, as if I am zombie. Very interesting yet irony. By the way, since I got all the time in the world, I get to spend more time with God. I have a lot to ask and to pray about. Now is the best time because there is nothing much now can get me distracted.

When Measles leave me, I have to make some changes in my life, is a lot of planning I talking about... I need to get my life right, that's what I know so far.

Yea, so watch me.

Quarantine Day 7.

I made a new friend last week. Well, not exactly a friend. At my first glance, I was already impressed, I had never seen anyone like her in my life before. She came in loud, but I pretended to be cool. Aggressive is the word, she broke the ice soon after we met. I wasn't really keen on that because she came uninvited. But obviously, my cold attitude didn't work on her. In fact, she tried even harder. Because I could felt her breath as she came closer to my ears and whispered. She came prepared, she knows that's my most sensitive part. She wants me, I felt it. My heart was beating fast and my body got heated up like a hot iron rot, this is something really strange to me. I mean, normally girls come to me and say "Haha, you are funny man" and they took off, no one does this to me before. I was curious, I couldn't stop her, maybe I didn't even try stopping her, so the attack goes on. She started the trick from my face, then slowly moved lower and lower... and lower. When I looked into the mirror, I saw thousands of red mark was already planted all over my body, from head to toe. That was quick!

"Are those love bites? Is that what they call it?" I pondered.

Oh the burning sensation, like a nuke just exploded in me. That was really a breathtaking experience. As time was ticking away, no words was spoken between us. The heat soon affected my head, it feels like a fever. I thought she must be immortal, because there is no girl on earth would do anything like this, at least not that I known of. Then for no reason, she finally left me alone after my shower... but just for a while.

The aftertaste lit up the flame in my heart. It still feels like fever, my head started aching, but I was unsure. I tried to be conscious after 3 big gulps of ice cold water, then I realised I didn't get her name. Honestly, I don't feel good after what just happened. I felt insecure. God knows what kind of deceases she was carrying. I decided to find out who she really is, a name at least. I mean with those remarkable marks she left on my body, I believe she is traceable. Besides, with her skills and capability, I don't think I am her first target in town. Someone must have met her somewhere before. I don't know.

There are few people I know in town might be able to help. Straight I went to Mr. Chin, he is always my first choice when it comes to this kind of thing. I mean with his status and experiences in town, he probably can provide me some kind of information that I needed. Without disappointment, after several examination was done, he said this confidently...

"Lucky man, I believe you had just met Measles"

Is it okay if I left the soap on my face overnight? I heard they can burn fats though.

Wake up call.

11.35 am. Dad called and got me up from sleeping.

"Did you read news paper today?"
"No? Why?"
"I will not allow you go diving anymore, you hear me? People died in Phuket and some is not even found yet."
"Ya dad, but people die here and there everyday. You called just to say this?"
"Ya, I don't care, you are not diving anymore. Okay bye!"
"......."

I don't even plan to dive anytime soon, this is totally random. Can anyone just agree with me that my dad is cute? Why chinese family always have so much to worry? Now I feel chained, just because I am the only son.

How about 25 random things about myself?

1. For no reason, I just can't get along with hair on the floor, not even my own one.
2. I can accept a girl who is rough, loud, ungentle, or even ugly and fat. But please born with a brain.
3. An unintentional comment can make me go crazy for few days. Yes, I take comments hard.
4. I think I threw away my touch n' go card from the window after the toll, because I dismantled my whole car and I couldn't find it.
5. Sometimes I thought I do things for good, but actually I feel stupid after that.
6. The next time people comment my car engine is loud, I will tell them "Sports car is always loud you kampong people!"
7. I actually wanted to be a chef so badly.
8. And of course I will be the chef of my own restaurant.
9. I actually know the proper way to put on a bra.
10. I have a broken nose, broken chin, and ten most likely broken fingers.
11. If a second chance is given to me, I will never choose my college.
12. I got upset with myself whenever I misplace something, took the wrong direction, and embarrass myself.
13. Whenever you hear me mumbling, I am actually trying hard to speak clearly. I don't know why it always become worse when I try to speak properly.
14. I read and write nowadays because I want to be smarter.
15. My current wishlists is a fine cut black coat, an interview session with Nate Kaiser and his wife, sponsor for my Australia trip, and a new laptop.
16. I am going take one interesting potrait for all my friends start from today.
17. I will continue diving for the rest of my life.
18. Elaine Jessica Watson is quite a good company when I am driving alone.
19. I like every single person from Momentum.
20. Actually writing 25 random things is not that easy for me eh? I am quite stucked now.
21. I prefer english speaking girl for some reason.
    
22. I think I haven tasted the best moment in life.
23. I am racist I think.
24. I don't like liar, I will take it personal, and make sure shit happens in their life.
25. I am going to pack my stuff, pee and go back JB now. Take care people!
    

Excitement.

Simply sensational. When the thrill hit right on spot, you go crazy, you take it hard, try so hard to keep it within your heart and you will fail for sure. For a moment the world can turn the other way round if you want it. Out of a sudden you raised from the dead and set for life. You over exaggerating about anything which come across you.

Nothing make sense, but that's how it feels.

Beyond understanding.

"Love your enemy"

Something that I find it heavy to digest. Something that I ponder in the Bible. For some reasons I can't explain, they are just intolerable. I might tear them into pieces as a lycan would do for his freedom. Hatred.

Quality Time.

Valuable...
All of them.
I hope grandpa will see this somewhere...
Heaven I think.

Cannot be...

"Hey look, those kids look adorable isn't it? Next time when they grow up sure very good looking one."

"No, you don't understand. When I was a boy I look pretty much like them."

Busy.
But the world is just awesome for me.